Thursday, August 29, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
Adjusting and Reading
So here we are, six weeks with our Warrior, over three of those here in the US. We've come so far, but yet we have so far to go. We would like to thank those that have done so much for us since we've been home. I'm blown away at the generosity that our homeschool and church families have shown us. They've accepted us where we are, and they've accepted our Warrior where he is. Thank you again. Although he seems to be adjusting, I do have to remind myself that he is probably wondering to himself when is it going to end and when will he go back.
Warrior is learning more English every day. He's saying three and four word sentences. He says his own name as we pronounce it in America. While he is still very clingy to Kristie, I try to show him that Papa can do bedtime, mealtime, and other things, and that he doesn't have to be in the same room as her 12 hours a day. We're also showing how the girls can help him with things as well. He doesn't always needs his Momma to do everything for him. Each night, I give him a long bath and let him play with his toys in the bathtub. He enjoys this immensely. Kristie and I usually take turns putting him to bed. He sleeps from 7:30 to 7:30 most nights.
We're teaching him how it really is a requirement to lift the toilet seat up consistently, not just whenever you want to. We're teaching him how our dog, Pepper, isn't really a mean, loud creature that wants to separate him from his Momma. We're teaching him that is really is ok to eat a diet that doesn't consist of only hard-boiled eggs, cucumbers and yogurt. There really are many wonderful things that we like to eat here in America. Although he tests us constantly, he is slowly learning what is accepted and what's unacceptable in this house.
We have learned that if he does not get a midday nap, then he sleeps better at night and later into the morning. He doesn't wake up at 4AM and feel the need to wake up the rest of us singing at the top of his lungs. Kristie and I have learned that it's best to lay out his clothes and his pajamas, else he rummages through all the clothes and has a hard time making a decision on what to wear.
Sarah is now our middle child. She has two older sisters and two brothers younger than she is. Of all the kids, I think that she is having the hardest time adjusting to this new normal. I ask that you pray for Sarah as she tries to find her place. Next month, she hopes to audition for a part in our local community theater's December production of Annie! Wish her luck as she gets ready for her audition...
Each day is a new and exciting challenge. Frustrations still abound, but we are getting used to this strange little fella, and I think he's getting used to us. We are waiting for our dates for Trip #2. At this rate, it will probably be November when either Kristie or I go to Latvi@ to finalize the Latvi@n side of the adoption.
I've been trying to catch up on my reading here lately.
While I was in Latvi@, I read the biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a good, but very difficult read.
More recently, I completed the gut-wrenching autobiography by Dave Pelzer called "A Child Called It" about one of the worst child-abuse cases ever reported in the US. As hard as it was to read, I could not put this book down, and I read it in one night.
I'm currently reading "The Boy Who was Raised As A Dog", by Bruce D. Perry, M.D. I hope that this book can help me understand the difficult upbringing that our Warrior has had.
Warrior is learning more English every day. He's saying three and four word sentences. He says his own name as we pronounce it in America. While he is still very clingy to Kristie, I try to show him that Papa can do bedtime, mealtime, and other things, and that he doesn't have to be in the same room as her 12 hours a day. We're also showing how the girls can help him with things as well. He doesn't always needs his Momma to do everything for him. Each night, I give him a long bath and let him play with his toys in the bathtub. He enjoys this immensely. Kristie and I usually take turns putting him to bed. He sleeps from 7:30 to 7:30 most nights.
We're teaching him how it really is a requirement to lift the toilet seat up consistently, not just whenever you want to. We're teaching him how our dog, Pepper, isn't really a mean, loud creature that wants to separate him from his Momma. We're teaching him that is really is ok to eat a diet that doesn't consist of only hard-boiled eggs, cucumbers and yogurt. There really are many wonderful things that we like to eat here in America. Although he tests us constantly, he is slowly learning what is accepted and what's unacceptable in this house.
We have learned that if he does not get a midday nap, then he sleeps better at night and later into the morning. He doesn't wake up at 4AM and feel the need to wake up the rest of us singing at the top of his lungs. Kristie and I have learned that it's best to lay out his clothes and his pajamas, else he rummages through all the clothes and has a hard time making a decision on what to wear.
Sarah is now our middle child. She has two older sisters and two brothers younger than she is. Of all the kids, I think that she is having the hardest time adjusting to this new normal. I ask that you pray for Sarah as she tries to find her place. Next month, she hopes to audition for a part in our local community theater's December production of Annie! Wish her luck as she gets ready for her audition...
Each day is a new and exciting challenge. Frustrations still abound, but we are getting used to this strange little fella, and I think he's getting used to us. We are waiting for our dates for Trip #2. At this rate, it will probably be November when either Kristie or I go to Latvi@ to finalize the Latvi@n side of the adoption.
I've been trying to catch up on my reading here lately.
While I was in Latvi@, I read the biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a good, but very difficult read.
More recently, I completed the gut-wrenching autobiography by Dave Pelzer called "A Child Called It" about one of the worst child-abuse cases ever reported in the US. As hard as it was to read, I could not put this book down, and I read it in one night.
I'm currently reading "The Boy Who was Raised As A Dog", by Bruce D. Perry, M.D. I hope that this book can help me understand the difficult upbringing that our Warrior has had.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
"At one time, we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived, and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But, when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having hope of eternal life." ~ Titus 3:3-7 ~
Friday, August 16, 2013
Our New Normal Isn't So Pretty....At Least Not For Now!
Our new normal. You may be wondering what it looks like. Some picture an adoptive family's new normal as a beautiful, loving and possibly euphoric high. I mean after all you are saving the life of a child who should be eternally grateful to you for what you are doing. Unfortunately, I think in general there are several misconceptions about adoption and bringing a hurt child home. While it is a joyous time to bring home a new family member, it is also a difficult time of transition, one that won't happen overnight. Our little guy left behind all he knew, his caregivers, his food, his constant immersion in his language, his friends, his routine, etc. He is suffering a loss while we are experiencing a gain. Bring both of these worlds together and you have a mess.
It's hard to talk about the reality of what our new normal looks like. Why? Because not many people understand what we have done. We don't want to hear from anyone, "Well, if it's so hard why did you adopt?" and "you knew this was going to be hard, so you can deal with it". We have days filled with tears where we feel isolated and completely alone. We have days where we wonder if we made the right decision. In these times, we're reminded of God's faithfulness to our family throughout this whole process. Who are we to doubt what God has called our family to do? Who are we to want to give up so quickly on this child and send him back? When we were adopted into Christ's family it wasn't conditioned upon how we acted or things we did. He already knew we would sin and fail daily. He knew we would constantly need Him! Doesn't this child deserve the same chance? After all, he is loved by God. Satan wants us to believe otherwise. He attacked our whole family in Latvi@ and he hasn't stopped since we've been home. In the same way, we need you to accept Warrior where he is in life, not where you want him to be.
Our little boy comes from a place Matt and I or anyone else may never truly be able to fully grasp. Can you imagine being unwanted and abandoned at birth? Can you imagine "failing to thrive"? Can you imagine being in a baby house for 4 years where you are left to comfort and soothe yourself because no one ever comes to hold or rock you? Can you imagine getting to the point where you quit crying because no one comes to feed you when you are hungry? Can you imagine being left in a sterile crib for hours a day so no one has to deal with you? Can you imagine not knowing how to speak or communicate your needs verbally because no one took the time to teach you how to speak? Fast forward to our child's two years in the orphanage beginning at the age of four. There, he was finally taught words to give him a voice (some good words and some bad words), and at the same time he was given freedoms he should never have been given for his very young age. He learned behaviors which aren't acceptable in our home; pinching and biting just to name a few. I witnessed the scratching and hitting during my brief time at his orphanage. Our little guy has a few scars on his face which I can only imagine were from a scratching match. He witnessed things so inappropriarate that adults shouldn't even see, let alone a six year old.
So now, take this child and place him into a loving family. What do you expect? Instant bonding and reciprocation of love? Think again! This child entered our family a fighter. He is slowly learning what it means to belong and to be loved. He's learning how to share with our children without hurting them. He's learning what appropriate touch is and how to not touch others inappropriately. He's learning what it's like to have a male figure leading the household. He's learning how to sit at a table and use table manners. He's learning what it's like to have a mom and a dad. He's learning how to bond with all of us as a family. He's learning about how to not touch a hot stove or iron or pick up knives and play with them in the kitchen. He's also learning how to not run out in front of cars because he could get hit. Does this sound like a child who is ready to join the world outside of our home? Does this sound like a child who is ready to play with other children?
Since we've been home, we have faced and are continuing to face many challenges with our little guy. As strange as this may sound, the love we have for him is an acquired love. Matt and I daily pray God will help us to see Warrior through His eyes and not ours. During this huge transition time, we kindly ask for you to respect our needs for our family. We have listed our current needs and some candid things we don't need as this would only complicate matters.
What we don't need:
1) Constant reminders that we got ourselves "in this mess"
2) Criticism about the choices we are making to raise our new son (it will be different than how you raise your children.)
3) For you to ask our son if he likes it here (He is confused and still getting over the loss of all he knew in Latvi@. He thinks our house is America and when we leave our home, he thinks we are leaving America.)
4) Strange looks and stares when our little guy sticks his tongue out at you or mocks every word and movement you say and do (At this time, he has zero social skills and is learning how to appropriately act around other people/strangers.)
What our family needs right now:
1) Support and encouragement
2) Patience as we try to become a family of 7
3) Prayers
4) Privacy as we learn to adapt to our new normal
5) Understanding that for a long time we won't be able to do a lot of the things we did before we left (attend church as family, attend homeschool coop, entertain visitors, go on play dates, etc.).
Today, we took Warrior to a child psychologist that specializes in adoptive children that have been institutionalized. This doctor was recommended by several friends who have seen her over the years. We were hoping that this specialist could talk with him, hear our concerns and perhaps help us crack some of the bad behaviors and weird habits. Instead, she observed him play and talked to us for the majority of the meeting. She took a total of two hours and spent this time getting to know us and observed him play. During the session, we learned so much about why he does the things he does. The doctor observed some things that we had never even noticed. We were assured by her that he truly is at a two year old's level. She attributes many of his behaviors to his "failure to thrive" early on after his birth. She instructed us on how to comfort him and respond to some of his behaviors. In a way, she helped re-program us on how we should view him and how our bio kids can adjust as well. She reiterated that this will be a long and challenging road with this child. For friends and family reading this, please know that our family will never be the same. We have a special needs child. He will be taught differently than our other kids. He'll be given different treatment that our other children. He'll be delayed for a long time as he basically starts his life over from infancy. Towards the end of the session, she looked me in the eyes and said that "it is a miracle" that he is even alive today. Friends and family, please look at him as a two year old, not a six year old. He may get "younger" before he gets older.
Also, today, we received a huge box from FedEx from an anonymous donor. If the donor is reading this, thank you so much! This gift was a huge blessing! This package along with the meals we've received, emails and prayers mean more to us than you can image. During the past two weeks being home, we've had many many lows. Your gifts, meals, kind words and thoughtfulness have come at the exact time that they have been needed. Thank you again!
It's hard to talk about the reality of what our new normal looks like. Why? Because not many people understand what we have done. We don't want to hear from anyone, "Well, if it's so hard why did you adopt?" and "you knew this was going to be hard, so you can deal with it". We have days filled with tears where we feel isolated and completely alone. We have days where we wonder if we made the right decision. In these times, we're reminded of God's faithfulness to our family throughout this whole process. Who are we to doubt what God has called our family to do? Who are we to want to give up so quickly on this child and send him back? When we were adopted into Christ's family it wasn't conditioned upon how we acted or things we did. He already knew we would sin and fail daily. He knew we would constantly need Him! Doesn't this child deserve the same chance? After all, he is loved by God. Satan wants us to believe otherwise. He attacked our whole family in Latvi@ and he hasn't stopped since we've been home. In the same way, we need you to accept Warrior where he is in life, not where you want him to be.
Our little boy comes from a place Matt and I or anyone else may never truly be able to fully grasp. Can you imagine being unwanted and abandoned at birth? Can you imagine "failing to thrive"? Can you imagine being in a baby house for 4 years where you are left to comfort and soothe yourself because no one ever comes to hold or rock you? Can you imagine getting to the point where you quit crying because no one comes to feed you when you are hungry? Can you imagine being left in a sterile crib for hours a day so no one has to deal with you? Can you imagine not knowing how to speak or communicate your needs verbally because no one took the time to teach you how to speak? Fast forward to our child's two years in the orphanage beginning at the age of four. There, he was finally taught words to give him a voice (some good words and some bad words), and at the same time he was given freedoms he should never have been given for his very young age. He learned behaviors which aren't acceptable in our home; pinching and biting just to name a few. I witnessed the scratching and hitting during my brief time at his orphanage. Our little guy has a few scars on his face which I can only imagine were from a scratching match. He witnessed things so inappropriarate that adults shouldn't even see, let alone a six year old.
So now, take this child and place him into a loving family. What do you expect? Instant bonding and reciprocation of love? Think again! This child entered our family a fighter. He is slowly learning what it means to belong and to be loved. He's learning how to share with our children without hurting them. He's learning what appropriate touch is and how to not touch others inappropriately. He's learning what it's like to have a male figure leading the household. He's learning how to sit at a table and use table manners. He's learning what it's like to have a mom and a dad. He's learning how to bond with all of us as a family. He's learning about how to not touch a hot stove or iron or pick up knives and play with them in the kitchen. He's also learning how to not run out in front of cars because he could get hit. Does this sound like a child who is ready to join the world outside of our home? Does this sound like a child who is ready to play with other children?
Since we've been home, we have faced and are continuing to face many challenges with our little guy. As strange as this may sound, the love we have for him is an acquired love. Matt and I daily pray God will help us to see Warrior through His eyes and not ours. During this huge transition time, we kindly ask for you to respect our needs for our family. We have listed our current needs and some candid things we don't need as this would only complicate matters.
What we don't need:
1) Constant reminders that we got ourselves "in this mess"
2) Criticism about the choices we are making to raise our new son (it will be different than how you raise your children.)
3) For you to ask our son if he likes it here (He is confused and still getting over the loss of all he knew in Latvi@. He thinks our house is America and when we leave our home, he thinks we are leaving America.)
4) Strange looks and stares when our little guy sticks his tongue out at you or mocks every word and movement you say and do (At this time, he has zero social skills and is learning how to appropriately act around other people/strangers.)
What our family needs right now:
1) Support and encouragement
2) Patience as we try to become a family of 7
3) Prayers
4) Privacy as we learn to adapt to our new normal
5) Understanding that for a long time we won't be able to do a lot of the things we did before we left (attend church as family, attend homeschool coop, entertain visitors, go on play dates, etc.).
Today, we took Warrior to a child psychologist that specializes in adoptive children that have been institutionalized. This doctor was recommended by several friends who have seen her over the years. We were hoping that this specialist could talk with him, hear our concerns and perhaps help us crack some of the bad behaviors and weird habits. Instead, she observed him play and talked to us for the majority of the meeting. She took a total of two hours and spent this time getting to know us and observed him play. During the session, we learned so much about why he does the things he does. The doctor observed some things that we had never even noticed. We were assured by her that he truly is at a two year old's level. She attributes many of his behaviors to his "failure to thrive" early on after his birth. She instructed us on how to comfort him and respond to some of his behaviors. In a way, she helped re-program us on how we should view him and how our bio kids can adjust as well. She reiterated that this will be a long and challenging road with this child. For friends and family reading this, please know that our family will never be the same. We have a special needs child. He will be taught differently than our other kids. He'll be given different treatment that our other children. He'll be delayed for a long time as he basically starts his life over from infancy. Towards the end of the session, she looked me in the eyes and said that "it is a miracle" that he is even alive today. Friends and family, please look at him as a two year old, not a six year old. He may get "younger" before he gets older.
Also, today, we received a huge box from FedEx from an anonymous donor. If the donor is reading this, thank you so much! This gift was a huge blessing! This package along with the meals we've received, emails and prayers mean more to us than you can image. During the past two weeks being home, we've had many many lows. Your gifts, meals, kind words and thoughtfulness have come at the exact time that they have been needed. Thank you again!
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Friday, August 9, 2013
Thank you!
Thanks to a friend here in Newnan who mailed us a check to help offset some of our agency fees! Also, a family member who used our Donate button and donated via PayPal! Thank you!
Monday, August 5, 2013
Trip 1 Completed and The Dog Barn
Friday was the longest day in recorded history. It started for us at 2:15 AM Rig@ time (which is 7 hours ahead of the Eastern time zone) when Kristie and I set our alarm to wake up and finish packing. We woke the kids up at 3:00 and we were loaded up in our apartment manager's van by 3:30, and we were off to the airport in the rain. We had three flights - 2 hr flight to Frankfurt with a short layover there, a 9 hour flight to Newark, NJ and our final 2 hour flight to Atlanta. Considering such a long travel schedule, the kids did well. Warrior slept for most of the long flight, but he was very restless for the portions of the flights that he was awake. He got very upset each time our plane landed, that he couldn't just walk right off the plane.
All that aside, when we landed in Atlanta, we'd been awake for over 24 hours. We were greeted by several families from our small group and several family members in Atlanta at the top of the escalators with posters and banners. And despite the exhaustion, we were ecstatic to finally see everyone! United lost one of our bags, so I had to have them put a trace on it (it was finally found and delivered to our home at 5 AM Sunday morning).
Saturday and Sunday were very rough as we tried to get our sleep schedules back to normal and as Warrior started to get adjusted to his new home. We're trying to get him settled into our rules and routines. He has no concept of a mom or a dad or a sister or a brother. Warrior is a two-year old trapped inside of a six year-old's body. He is lacking developmentally due the environment he's grown up in. He has health problems. He has a very small frame. He has scars on his face where kids in the orphanage have scratched him badly. Everything he does, he does to test us and get on our nerves. He wants to know what his boundaries are, and he yearns for reassurance that this is not a temporary arrangement. But, Kristie and I are committed to showing him the love of Christ and our family and working through all of the bad junk.
We'd like to give a special thanks to Diane and The Dog Barn in Sharpsburg, Georgia, who kept our dog, Pepper, during the three weeks we were gone. Pepper loves the attention that he gets and the fun that he has every time he has stayed at The Dog Barn. Thanks to Diane also for taking Pepper to the vet for us when an insect stung him causing him to limp for a few days. We couldn't ask for better arrangements for our furriest family member!
 |
| This boy loved his airplane food. |
 |
| It's not Hawaii, but it'll do. |
 |
| My super-Warrior-helper during the flights. |
 |
| Back to soccer. First night of practice was tonight (Monday). |
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Trip 1 - Day 18 - Last Day in Rig@
.JPG)
Today was our last full day in Rig@. Warrior woke up today thinking we were going to hop on a plane any moment. He started packing all of his stuff into his one bag - whatever he could get his hands on went into the bag! He was running around here saying, "America, America!" Rachel and I left early to take Chuck Kelley some of our non-perishable foods (some of which had been given to us) so he could keep them in his apartment for other adoptive families. Chuck was kind enough to show us his two most recent paintings.Once we were back at the apartment, we packed our lunch and headed to the park in Rig@ one last time. We ate lunch, fed the ducks and pigeons and got some last pictures of this magnificent park. On the way out of the park we ran into the sweet L@tvian lady we met on the train heading to the zoo two weeks ago. She was walking in the park with her grandson and she remembered us. She didn't understand a word of what we were saying, so it was very difficult to converse with her. She let us get a picture with her and her grandson. We then split up and Kristie, Rebekah and Rachel did some final souvenir shopping in Rig@ while I took the younger kids for one last trampoline jump (the trampoline where you pay for your kid to jump for 10 or 20 minutes).
At 2:30 I called a taxi to pick me, Rachel and Warrior up to go to the Embassy to get his visa. It only took a few minutes at the Embassy. I was handed his L@tvian passport with a new page for his US visa. So we're good to go to travel back to the US with our L@tvian.
As we finish packing and cleaning up this evening, it seems like we've been here an eternity. During these three weeks, we've seen a lot and done a lot. We've learned a lot of history. (In its entire existence, L@tvia has only been a free country a total of just over forty years!) This is a magnificent and beautiful country.
We'll need prayers for a safe and easy journey back to the US. We'll leave at 11 PM Eastern Time Thursday (6:00 AM Friday L@tvian Time). We'll fly to Frankfurt, Germany, then to Newark, New Jersey. Finally landing in Atlanta around 5 PM Friday afternoon.
Thanks for following our journey on this blog (and those that are following it on Facebook). We will do our best to keep this blog going as we transition into a family of seven in the US. I will have a short trip back to L@tvia probably in October for a third court appointment. Warrior and I will travel back to L@tvia for one final time for one week hopefully some time this winter. When our Warrior comes back in the US at the end of the third trip, he will be a US Citizen. He will always carry dual citizenship in both countries as long as he is alive.Thanks again, and we look forward to catching up with friends and family in the US soon.
 |
| Beautiful Rig@ Park |
 |
| Pondering what it's like to be a duck |
 |
| As Sarah would call this: Angel Light |
 |
| Feeding the ducks |
 |
 |
| My new favorite building in Rig@ |
 |
| "1873" |
.JPG) |
| Rig@ Canal |
 |
| The L@tvian lady and her grandson |
 |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)